Bossypants

Honesty time: I have a really hard time getting into books. I’ve always preferred magazines, or, now that I’m a grad student, I’ve completely nerded out and moved into scholarly journals. I love The Chronicle of Higher Education. I’ve had a subscription to Rolling Stone since at least 2007.

However, when I heard that Tina Fey was writing a book, I knew it would be fantastic. And it was. My bestie, Kara, bought it for me for my birthday and I finished the book in two weeks. I had to make myself put the book down so I would have more time to enjoy it. I’ve always thought Tina Fey and I could be besties someday, or at least she’s the person I want to be like when I grow up.  College-educated, wildly successful in her field, intelligently hilarious — how could I not want to be like that? She also has to balance her busy career with being a wife and a mother of two. Yes. I think I want to be Tina Fey when I’m an adult. But someone tell me when that actually is, because I’m not sure when that happens.

In Bossypants, Fey puts in her two cents and then some on several subjects. She also discusses her experiences as a college grad living in Chicago, working with The Second City touring company (part of the minor leagues of Saturday Night Live), getting her start on SNL and eventually becoming the first female Head Writer (a big effin’ deal), and creating 30 Rock. She talks about her nearly-fatal honeymoon with her husband (who is from Youngstown! [kind of, at least, she talks about Youngstown in the book, whoa.]) and raising her daughter. One passage that made me quite literally laugh out loud (not the lol of IMing, the real deal) was about Christmas traditions:

[Jeff and I] are absolutely mad for Route 80W between Philadelphia and Youngstown! We never miss it… I prefer the retro chic of spending Christmas just like Joseph and Mary did — traveling arduously back to the place of your birth to be counted, with no guarantee of a bed when you get there. You may end up sleeping on an old wicker couch with a dog licking your face while an Ab Rocket infomercial plays in the background. It’s a modern-day manger.

Probably my favorite part of the book, which I’ve read aloud to my mom and sister, comes early on in the book in a chapter called “All Girls Must Be Everything:”

All Beyonce and JLo have done is add to the laundry list of attributes women must have to qualify as beautiful. Now every girl is expected to have:

  • Caucasian blue eyes
  • full Spanish lips
  • a classic button nose
  • hairless Asian skin with a California tan
  • a Jamaican dance hall ass
  • long Swedish legs
  • small Japanese feet
  • the abs of a lesbian gym owner
  • the hips of a nine-year-old boy and
  • the arms of Michelle Obama …
The person closest to actually achieving this look is Kim Kardashian, who, as we know, was made by Russian scientists to sabotage our athletes. Everyone else is struggling.
Later on, she looks at the attributes she’s grateful for:
  • Straight Greek eyebrows. They start at the hairline at my temple and, left unchecked, will grow straight across my face and onto yours.
  • Droopy brown eyes designed to confuse predators into thinking I’m just on the verge of sleep and they should come back tomorrow to eat me.
  • Permanently rounded shoulders from years of working at a computer.
  • A small high waist.
  • Wide-set knockers that aren’t so big but can be hoisted up once or twice a year for parades.
  • Good strong legs with big gym teacher calves.
  • Wide German hips that look like somebody wrapped Pillsbury dough around a case of soda.
The list goes on, but I can relate to a couple of them. Anyway, read this book. It’s light so it goes pretty quickly, but the whole thing is literally laugh-out-loud funny. You’re no one until someone calls you bossy.
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About twyf

I write blog posts from time to time. When I'm not doing that, I work in Student Affairs at a local community college and try to go to Zumba whenever I can. I have a great dog named Indiana Bones. A few of my favorite things: office supplies, IKEA, Dairy Queen ice cream cakes, a good sale, and athletic pants. A few of my least favorite things: pickles, Nicholas Sparks books, winter, and doing laundry.

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