Honestly? I’m not even 100% sure I know what that means to me yet. It popped into my mind one afternoon while aimlessly scrolling through Pinterest. Somewhere between all the pins about building a better blog, finding the right planner for your needs, and 12 easy moves for Michelle Obama arms, I decided that I wanted to start tracking…. everything.
If you know me well, you would agree with me when I say that math is not my thing. But I like statistics. A good graph intrigues me. I know numbers can be manipulated and you can dissect them through any type of factor you’d like, but I’m just looking at the basics. The visual breakdown of my progress, be it blogging, weight loss (more on that later), or something work-related gives me all the motivation I need. However, I only like competing against myself: actual me vs. my idealized potential me — everyone is their own hardest critic, and I’m no exception.
I could list each of the things I did
procrastinating — mentally preparing — to write this post, but there are a myriad of reasons why I was largely silent last year. Life freaking happened, in the form of a wedding and buying and remodeling a house and two jobs and every other reason that people give for not writing, exercising, or doing the thing they say they want to do. I can’t make the excuse of not having the motivation to write anymore; I have lists of ideas and my own home office (life goal achieved!) decorated to my liking to provide me with all the motivation I think (or keep telling myself) I need.
Each time I write a new post, I offer some mea culpa for not writing for so long. No more apologies — it is what it is and I’ll own it, for better or worse. My writing is something I’ve decided to take very seriously this year. Last year, I started earnestly focusing on my weight, and I found success, by constant tracking. I’ve found the results and watching the numbers improve gives me great satisfaction. I feel like I might be good at this and people seem to enjoy some of the things I write, so I want to build upon what I’ve already done.
I’ve taken myself back to when I think I wrote best: before a sentence will get typed, I’ll write it all out, in pencil, on paper, the way I wrote my papers for Dr. Lepak’s Political Thought class, which focused on Nietzsche. No idea why, but drafting them like this allowed for so much more clarity and focus. Could be because I can’t open a tab for Buzzfeed on a notepad…
This is me, then, putting it out in the universe: In 2015, I will
- be a more committed writer.
- lose at least 10 more pounds.
- take more time for self-improvement, in whatever form — mental, physical, or emotional — that takes.
Things will need to change, either through removals or additions. I’ll spend time evaluating and re-evaluating my options and actions. I’ll learn to say “yes” to things I’d previously refused, and “no” to things that won’t help me with any of those three goals. Can I do it?
Stay tuned, I guess.